No Regrets

I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.

I’ll be honest (as always). Life has been extra hard lately. It’s beyond the every day grind and I won’t get in to the details of all of it, but if you’re struggling, know you’re not alone.

One of my biggest stressors right now is one I am helpless to do anything about. My aunt, who I consider to be my second mom, was diagnosed with cancer last August. While she handled the treatment like a champ, she had some complications after her stem cell transplant. As I write this, she is currently on day number 49 in the ICU. She has been heavily sedated for that entire time and it has been a really rough road filled with lots of bumps along the way.

My beautiful aunt and me.

How long does she have to go towards recovery? I honestly don’t know. There’s so much uncertainty and I think that’s what’s been weighing the most on my mind these days. She is not out of the woods by any stretch for getting through this and if she does make it through, we don’t know the extent of the damage to her mind and body.

Needless to say, I have been having so many thoughts about what she means to me, but also about life in general. This leads me to the quote for this week. “I’d rather regret the things I’ve done, than regret the things I haven’t done.”

I know it’s not a unique quote. It’s one I hear tossed around quite a bit. However, right now, it has more significance.

Don’t Wait

We know that nothing in life is guaranteed, but it can be so easy to push things off to next week, or next month, or next year. Schedules get busy, commitments are constant, and stress makes it hard to have time for the people and things we love.

My aunt is only 63. She is vibrant, spunky, and known most for her laughter and love. She will drop anything to be there for someone else and is always there to lend an ear to whoever needs it. I haven’t seen her much in the last 6 months due to her treatment and needing to keep her isolated and healthy, and it’s heartbreaking to me that so much time with someone I love has been lost.

Her situation, which changed so rapidly, is a swift kick in the butt to remind me that though the days are busy, I need to make time for what I value.

Don’t Tell Them You Love Them, Show Them

I am so incredibly thankful to have a husband that works from home and to be able to homeschool my daughter. I truly treasure every moment that we spend together. We did the rat race for 5 years working out of the house and having her in full time daycare. I know what it’s like to have just a few minutes each evening together and I never want to go back to that.

I quit my job so I can show my child every day that I want to be present for her. Showing someone you love them is in the little things. Maybe it’s buying their favorite treat from the store or making sure their favorite mug is always clean and ready for use.

It could also look like honoring a quiet space for reflection, or actively listening to a problem or frustration. With my husband working from home it sometimes looks like making his lunch for him when his meeting goes late or baking an afternoon snack.

The biggest thing we do as a family is being actively present with one another. Bike rides, park days, board games, all super easy ways to reconnect.

And, of course, as much as I try to show them how much I care, I never miss a chance to tell them straight out how much they mean to me.

Find the Glimmers and Push Yourself

It is a goal of mine to find several things each day that are a glimmer of light and a positive bit to fuel my mood and gratefulness. It doesn’t mean that things aren’t still hard around me. But the hard doesn’t have to rule my life.

Despite my headspace I’m making time to take an adult dance class. It’s something I love and an hour out of my week to myself without distractions. It has been a light I didn’t know I needed. I’ve wanted to take a class like this for years and I’m grateful to be taking the opportunity.

After several years of no travel, we made the trip to Colorado last August and it’s a memory I will never forget. We are working on making travel (not for dance!) a more regular thing to continue to reconnect and have downtime as a family. We will not put this off any longer.

I’m making it a point to enjoy every moment of my daughter’s activities. I won’t let gossip or work or family stuff get in the way. Even if the day is busy and fast paced, I will take time to be present in present and take it all in.

Something else I have been working on the last few years that will be a big focus this year is cutting out things that do not have a positive impact on my life. Consuming less media, setting proper boundaries with people who don’t respect my time, and other things of the like. I do not need to put my time and energy into activities or people that bring me down just to make someone else happy.

On the flip side, I am doing more to nurture the friendships and relationships that I hold dear. Just recently I’ve been able to reconnect with a friend and we had a three hour coffee date! It was such a cup filling day to sit there and talk with each other in a positive manner.

The Small Things

Individually these are all small things, but that’s the point. Life is about finding what makes you happy. It doesn’t have to be big adventures, though I like to sprinkle those in, too, but finding the joy and happiness in every day. I won’t look back and regret never backpacking through Europe in my young adult years, but I would regret living days stressed to the max and taking time with those I love for granted. So find joy in those little things and take this blog as a sign to do something today that will bring you joy. Reach out to someone you love and make sure they know it. Buy a sweet treat for a coworker or your child’s teacher. Open a door for a stranger.

Be like my aunt, practice love and kindness in everything you do.

With love,

Nikki